Talking about infertility is a funny thing.
It’s a hard combination of intimacy and candidness. As a blogger, I’ve opened up a little about our unique process and my emotions that come with it, but I don’t talk about everything. I know women who are much more open and share every part of their cycle. And I know women who didn’t/don’t talk about their fertility at all.
There really isn’t a right or wrong way to handle the subject. It’s not like the RE hands you a carefully outlined rulebook with a color-coded list of contacts.
After an incident earlier this year with certain family, I have second-guessed what I should and shouldn’t write on my blog about trying to get pregnant. I don’t always notice when people have heard enough of it; I don’t want to sound whiney or drive people crazy with constant talk of hormones, testing, and babies.
But keeping quiet doesn’t make the baby-crazy go away. It’s simply pointless to try to pretend it’s not a big deal, when infertility can be all-consuming. I think about it every. single. day.
The solution for me has been finding a place where I can let my baby-crazy out: where I can be honest, open, and share as much tmi as I need to without worrying about freaking out my entire family.
One of my favorite resources in this first year of infertility has been TTCcommunity.com. Not only is it run by one of the sweetest, kindest, person (and blogger!) you’ll ever meet, it’s a safe haven.
The best thing about TTCcommunity is the members. Being able to talk to other women who are going through the same emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial rollercoaster as you is the best sanity saver when it comes to fertility. Plus, since we’re all focused on the same goal (of successful pregnancies and healthy, happy babies), there’s less viciousness than on other women-oriented forums.
Where did/do you talk about your fertility? Friends, family, websites?
*This post was written as part of a conference sponsorship requirement. While I have been compensated, I would write about TTCcommunity any day of the week, because I truly adore the site’s founder, Maria, and the work she does to help other women succeed in their fertility goals.
I have never had to face this issue (I was very fertile – TOO fertile! LoL) but I understand what you are going through with not being able to talk about certain things because of family. Honestly, I am so over my family dictating what I can/cannot – should/should not do. I need to stop worrying about what they will think and worry about how maybe – just maybe my story(ies) could help someone else. I am not there yet but soon.
Sha recently posted..Yay – I have something to write about!
After a miscarriage, I didn’t want to tell any of my family members that we were trying again because it would be more painful to get everyone excited and lose the baby again. I wish I would have had somewhere like that to talk to others who understood it!
Determined Momma recently posted..The Barefoot Executive
I’m pretty fertile, but I have had 2 miscarriages. I don’t really talk about them, but they happened in just one year. Talk about devastating
. I was pretty sure I was never going to have another child (we already had Sierra). When I got pregnant with Drake, I didn’t change much until I had my first ultrasound and knew that this pregnancy had clicked. I was pretty darn sure the entire time, that I was just going to be let down again. Fortunately, it stuck, and I now have three healthy children. I feel bad for women who have these challenges. I almost wish I could be a surrogate, but I don’t think I could let a baby go after incubating them inside of my body. Just too hard, oh, and I HATE being pregnant lol!
Melody recently posted..Playtime Fun With Legos!
I remember when we were trying for our first, I would look at TTC/parenting websites to get information. After that, I haven’t been to family or websites as I didn’t have infertility problems. I think just finding a place where others are in the same situation is better to get your feelings out than to those that may not understand the situation.
Nicoyle recently posted..Wins a $200 Amazon Gift Card
I waited 6 years to get pregnant after I was married… I didn’t think it would ever happen, but because I married young – I didn’t worry about it – or actually think about it much. We didn’t prevent it ever, and I know I didn’t talk about it — then one day…. I thought I had the flu — but nope, I was pregnant (and continued to feel like I had the flu for the next 6 months!)
Johannah recently posted..Wholly Guacamole Giveaway
Yeah, it definitely can be tough talking about infertility – especially when your infertility issues might not be as much as others’ infertility issues.
I talked with a few friends about my issues that I had before Andrew – where I had PCOS and had to take Metformin and Clomid and Progesterone, and had to see my Gyno almost every other day for 3 months doing ultrasounds- but then clearly I had already had two babies – so they told me they didn’t really want to HEAR about my infertility issues, because – clearly, I didn’t have any – lol!
The insensitivity can be so easily brought on on either direction – so it’s good to have a community to hear and understand what you’re going through! To be able to relate to someone else, is really nice.
Amy @ GrinningCheektoCheek recently posted..How Pop Culture Affects Perception of Food: Twitter Party!
The only way to move IF/miscarriage out of the taboo category is to open up about it. Any topic can become too much, but no one should feel they have to censor their own agony in the name of others’ lack of comfort.
Kathleen Basi recently posted..Boys, Fashion (or not), and Homelessness: a 7QT post
I talk with my family and close friends about it. If I am part of a conversation that turns towards the subject I will offer up some of my physical experiences with it but will not go into full detail of how it affects me emotionally. That part stays between my husband and myself.
Christina recently posted..The Minimalist Family Project
I wouldn’t talk about it to anyone. Maybe my mother in law, but doubt it!
Jacqui Odell recently posted..Don’t Quit
I have been pregnant three times. First time, I got pregnant the first month we started trying, had my son RJ (who is 3 now). The next time I got pregnant the second month. That pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage. My body never gave me an indication that anything wrong, just went in for the first ultrasound and no heartbeat. I didn’t miscarry naturally and had to have a D&C, naturally it was traumatic. A couple of months later we started trying and I immediately got pregnant, T is now 6 months. When I was going through the miscarriage, and the decision on when to start trying again, I wrote in a journal. It just felt like nobody really understood and many people try so hard and still say the wrong things. Even after I got pregnant with T people would complain about his due date being so close to Christmas, I just wanted to scream “Well August would have been better but that’s just not the way it worked out!” Best wishes on your journey, I am so glad you found a supportive place to talk it out!
Marisa recently posted..Early literacy with preschoolers
t’s good that you found the TTC Community. I think finding a place where you can talk to people who are facing similar issues like your own is important no matter what the issue is. I
Diane N – Philzendia recently posted..$200 Amazon Gift Card Giveaway
I have never went through what you are going through. But I agree it is great to find a place to be able to talk with others in the same situation! Having others to talk to I feel is always helpful!
Becky Ryan-Willis recently posted..Teens: Tanning Salons & Body Piercings
I think it’s difficult for some women to talk about these things because the infertility makes them feel like less of a woman. (At least, it is in my case).
And I know to some, it sounds crazy because having a uterus or fallopian tubes, etc, etc shouldn’t define ones femininity.
Having my surgery and now being possibly infertile because they removed stuff in me, (I’m not ready to publicly say what exactly just yet…it’s been traumatic) I’ve been stalking a lot of forums (medhelp, hystersisters, etc.) to somehow help myself.
I have shared snippets of my dilemma on my blog and in private conversations with some friends but I have yet to open up about everything because I’m just not ready yet. I’m still hurting for the most part.
Dylan Lin Calista recently posted..She Only Wanted To Poke People
I hate feeling like I have to censor myself on my own blog, but I do. I’m glad you have an outlet for the stuff you need to keep closer to yourself
Jayme recently posted..What? Are you serious?
Like some of the others here, I haven’t experienced infertility or miscarriage. I have had family members who did have the experience. I think you should be able to grieve just like you would any loss or trauma, and you should have someone to talk to with complete abandon. That is part of healing from a traumatic experience. Optimally, both partners should have this outlet. Journaling is good too, but support from another person, whether professional or personal, seems like the best of all options to me.
Oh, sweetheart. I’m here any time you want to talk. Been there. Done THAT. I didn’t talk to anyone at first. Slowly but surely I found that three of my friends, each from a different area of my life, were also struggling with infertility. They became my support system. Ever since I had my first son I’ll gladly talk nonstop about it if it helps just one other person.
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i always figured that i would tell anyone who i would need if things went wrong…..i am a very open person so that was just about eveybody but like i said i am an eceptionally open book. it took us 3 years, 2 surgerys and thousands & thousands of dollars but i am typing this with one hand and my 5 month old on my lap. we are just about to start the process again so our baby won’t be an only child. all i can say is don’t give up…or maybe i should say try as long as you can and mt prayers are with you.