You asked, I answered.

Happy International Day of Acceptance! As promised, I’m going to answer the readers’ questions about what it’s like to be a young, wheelchair-bound woman, as a way to embrace who I am as well as educating my community of wonderful blogging friends! Still have questions? Ask them now to be included in the second installment of answers, which will be posted this weekend.

Summer asks: Were you born disabled or did a disease like MS or DM cause your disability or a car or motorcycle crash?

My older brother and I were both born with Limb-Girdle Muscular Dystrophy (LGMD), a hereditary neuromuscular disease from our father. Unfortunately, my father had been misdiagnosed with various kinds of Muscular Dystrophy throughout his life, because very little was known about the disease thirty years ago. He would be diagnosed with one kind, and told he’d never live passed the age of twelve. Then, diagnosed with another, never to live passed the age of 18. It was only after my brother and I were conceived that he was properly diagnosed.

So with this misdiagnosis, my parents were told that any children they have would be carriers of the disease, but they would not suffer from any symptoms. Wrong-o. When my brother was two or three years old, my father’s mother realized that he was showing signs already. My mother was pregnant again with me by this point.

Ally asks: How do you handle things like shoveling snow and deicing? What do you do when it’s not taken care of? Are you allowed to sue the pants off people who aren’t considerate enough to clear sidewalks/walkways/fronts of stores? Will you be sharing your profits with me?

When the snow is light, I usually take a broom out and sweep it off my porch/ramp well enough to get the dogs in and out. My wheelchair wheels have very little traction when it comes to ice . . . which can be a lot of fun to spin and slide on an icy driveway, as long as you’ve got someone around to save you, just in case you get stuck.

Ben’s work schedule allows for him to be home 5 days a week, so he is in charge of most of snow removal. Luckily, Ben is a volunteer firefighter with two companies, including the town we live in. This means I have fed many many many junior firefighters who are more than willing to come bail me out of the tundra if Ben isn’t around. They also run to the store for me if I’m alone in bad weather.

Yes, it’s frustrating when people don’t clean the snow off their walkways, especially in front of a store or business. But I realize that most people are just not aware of how dangerous it can be when you have mobility issues. Before I transitioned to a wheelchair, I did not leave the house if there was snow or ice on the ground. I couldn’t go away if it rained, because I was so worried about slipping on wet floors. Now that I’m using a wheelchair, I don’t worry about it so much. Can I sue them? Probably. But the court costs would be more than the profit, I’d assume. And it’s more fun to sit outside and cause a scene than take it up with a lawyer, anyway.

Ally asks: What about future plans? From my understanding, it’s a pain in the tucas to get out the door with a baby/small child in tow, how will you get this accomplished?

I think small children make leaving the house difficult, whether you’re disabled or not. The easiest answer to this would be that I won’t be able to go away with a baby by myself. And I’m okay with that for now. In the meantime, I’ve been coming up with some nifty ideas to make basic baby items more accessible so that I can take care of my future kids. But we’ll cross that bridge once we’re pregnant.

Ally asks: Are you allowed to plow into rude people? How many toes have you broken “on accident.”

“Allowed” is probably not the right word. No, no one is really allowed to barrel through other people as if you were running a football play. However, some people are downright inconsiderate of their surroundings, especially women in their 20’s and 30’s (sorry, but it’s the truth). When people cut in front of me because they were too busy talking on their cell phones to notice, I don’t slow down and I don’t stop. And I may or may not have sent a few ladies in high heels toppling over because of it . . .  I had a college friend who told me I should pretend the campus was a roller derby rink and “take the stupid bitches out”.

But sadly, I have not broken any toes. I have run over a lot – not on purpose – but none have broken.

Sprinkles asks: What’s the biggest misconception about people in wheelchairs?

This one is tough, because there are so many different disabilities and there are multiple ways to answer this. For me, being  a younger female in a wheelchair leads to strange looks, because I don’t have any outward deformities. Nothing’s disproportionate or hanging funny.  A lot of times, people will give me dirty looks for parking in a handicapped spot until they watch Ben unload the wheelchair (and me) from the car. Even I have to remind myself sometimes, when I watch seemingly fully-functioning adults using handicapped spots, that not all disabilities are as easy to see.

Sprinkles asks: A long time ago, I knew someone who was in a wheelchair because of a car accident.  She was later able to relearn to walk and didn’t need one anymore.  She told me once that when she was still in the wheelchair, she’d gone out to eat at a restaurant.  She went up to the salad bar and people kept jumping in line ahead of her.  They said things like, “Oops, I guess I cut in front of you, didn’t I?  Well, that’s ok.  I’ll be quicker than you would be.”  Do you have to deal with that kind of discrimination and if you do, how do you deal with it?

I think every person with a disability – visible or not, mental or physical – has dealt with discrimination before, because it is a manifestation of ignorance and a general lack of education. If it happens and the person doesn’t notice, they’re like so many other people in the world who don’t pay attention to anyone but themselves. If they cut in front of me and offer even a half-assed apology, I smile and say “no problem” and wait until I’m back at our table to vent a little. However, if someone made the comment “I’ll be quicker than you would be” towards me? I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from telling them to fuck off. It may not be the “correct” answer to the question, but it’s the truth. My legs don’t work, but you best believe my mouth does!

That’s it for now – stay tuned this weekend for the remaining questions!