It’s been five years since I’ve been able to talk to you. After a lifetime of opportunities, we had finally started having an actual relationship. I was beginning to see you as just a person – moving beyond the titles. Unfamiliar territory cut short. Wasted chances that I wish I still had.
How can I sum up everything you’ve missed? My first year trying to do my taxes without your guidance. The awful neon green color I painted the bathroom, despite knowing you’d hate it. Walking down the wedding aisle. Births and deaths, parties and reunions. A first drink when I turned 21. Five Christmases. College graduation.
Five years of growth.
Sometimes I wonder what you would say about the choices I’ve made. Would you approve of my husband or the way I make peach pies? Do I follow your recipe correctly? Did we finish the house renovations the way you wanted? Would you recognize the woman that your little girl turned into? The chubby teen with chronic bad hair and crooked glasses who finally learned to love herself. Even I have days when I can’t recognize her. In those moments I think of you. After all, you are the past that guides my future.
Knowing how many things you won’t be around to see crushes me. Wedding anniversaries. Your mother’s 80th birthday. Your grandchildren. (I hope they get your complexion.)
But I want you to know that I’m grateful for everything I learned from you. Some of those things I could only understand after you were gone. I hope you’ve been watching, and that I’ve made you proud.
I hope you’re still watching, Daddy. I miss you.
I’m Jenn: 20-something, writer, wife, penguin-fanatic, wanna-be crafter and crippled kid. I live in the boonies of Pennsylvania with my hubby, Ben, and our furbabies.
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awww sweetie… *hugs*
Love this. A virtual hug to you, from someone who knows.
I still say some of the same things to my Dad in my heart…except the peach pie thing…he was a killer breakfast guy though.
How sweet. ((hugs))
That is so sweet. I know that he is still watching over you and your family. He is ever too far away. *Hugs* I know it’s difficult but I’m sure he is proud of the woman you became. I love you, dear. Let me know if you need anything.
This was a sweet post and I am sure your dad would be so proud of you.
^^^ Joy said what I was going to say, verbatim!
Am blog hopping today and just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss but this is a beautiful tribute to a man who seemed extraordinary. He is with you always and I’m SURE he would be extremely proud of the woman you are today.
*HUGS*
Very eloquent expression of your love for your father.
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